Articles

About These Op-Eds/Articles

After working for several years with senior citizens as manager of a Medicare advocacy program administered by the California Department of Aging, I was fed up with old people jokes. It seemed to me that everyone laughed at old people and no one ever objected. My outrage led to my first published Op-Ed in the Los Angeles Daily News entitled “Growing Old is Hard to Do” on Sunday, July 19, 1999. Since then, I have written other Op-Eds for Christian Science Monitor, Los Angeles Times, Los Angeles Daily News, Pasadena Star-News, Orange County Register, and the Jewish Journal about a variety of topics, particularly the challenges and rewards of caring for aging parents.

A Reckoning at 10,000 Feet

Published in the Pasadena Star-News on September 17, 2023

The text message came from my daughter, “Don’t forget your walking sticks.” I read it while my husband and I ate breakfast in a charming café in Breckenridge, Colorado. We were looking for a short hike because the historic mountain town sits at 10,000 feet in the Colorado Rockies, and we were feeling the lack of oxygen in our seventy-something lungs. And . . . we had forgotten our walking sticks.

Lessons I Learned from My Father

Published in the Pasadena Star News on June 18, 2023

As Father’s Day - today -approached, I no longer have to buy my dad two cotton/polyester blend polo shirts (with pockets) in beige. He wanted the same thing every year, and I got the style he liked. My dad has been gone for more than twenty years now, but on Father’s Day, I stop to think about the lessons he taught me.

Jimmy Carter and the Blessings of Hospice

Published in the Pasadena Star-News on March 5, 2023

As 98-year-old President Jimmy Carter rests in hospice care, these memories are with me:

My dad was lying on a gurney, prepped for surgery. I sat next to him on a small stool a nurse gave me. He was in one of those skimpy hospital gowns, wearing a shower cap to cover his wispy gray hair, and covered with two blankets because surgery suites are always freezing.

Have That End-of-Life Conversation Right Now

Published in the Pasadena Star-News on March 29, 2020

What do you say when your dad tells you he doesn’t want to live like this anymore? It’s a moment I clearly recall even though it was almost twenty years ago. I can still see exhausted, emaciated Dad sitting in a plaid cotton robe in his Medicare lift chair. He wore big block sunglasses due to an eye condition that made his eyes jiggle like jumping beans.

The One Time Dad Brought Out the Brandy

Published in the Pasadena Star News on June 16, 2012

My dad was not known for conversing with his children as we were growing up. I had my first real conversation with him, meaning he wasn’t yelling at me, when I was 17. We took a day trip to a historic site near our small Ohio home. It was hot and humid and he complained to me that he was sweating. It wasn’t much, but it was a start.

Her Dad's Lymphoma Was Terminal, So They Stopped Fighting Death

Published in the Los Angeles Times August 8, 2009

My father died peacefully in his sleep at home not quite 10 years ago. Ever since, I tell people how incredible the experience was for my sister, my mother and me.

Old Age One of Life’s Greatest Blessings

Published in the Pasadena Star-News on November 23, 2006

I went to a birthday party last week at a swanky restaurant. After years of kid birthday parties in the park or at a burger joint, this one was very refined and they served “adult beverages” as my Dad used to call them. It was a ninetieth birthday party for my friend, Ruby, a woman I greatly admire.

Don’t Let Guilt Rule Out the Retirement Home

Published in the Los Angeles Times on November 11, 2004

My mother and I arrived at the outpatient surgery center promptly at 8:00 a.m. She and she walked into the surgery suite while I wished her well and promised to guard her purse.

Make Wise Decisions for Inevitable Journey

Published in the Pasadena Star-News on November 21, 2004

I was shocked when my husband told me that my mother’s physician returned my phone call. As soon as I got on the line, the doctor told me I was close-minded. Surgeons can be arrogant, but this one was over the top. His name closely approximated that phrase, so I bestowed it on him: Dr. Over-the-Top.

Elderly Parent Care Brings Us Full Circle

Published in the San Gabriel Valley News on April 11, 2004

My friend and I exchanged elderly parent horror stories over lunch last week. Like a couple of fishermen, we told tall tales. Your mom is crazy, but mine is crazier. My mom is more out-of-it than your mom. My mom wears me out more than yours wears you out. We sparred like a couple of prizefighters.

Therapy Dog Works Hard for Patients

Published in the Pasadena Star News on August 3, 2003

She couldn’t wait to get out of there. It was Friday and she’d worked hard all week – 24/7. She didn’t belong to a union, she didn’t speak English, and she wasn’t particularly attractive.

When Mom Lets Loose, It’s on the Wings of Justice

Published in the Pasadena Star-News on May 12, 2002

She finally made good on her promise; she pulled down my pants and spanked my six-year-old bare bottom. I was a willful child and my mother spanked me many times before. This was different – I had crossed the line.

Aging Mom: A Lesson in Wisdom and Love

Published in the Pasadena Star-News on May 13, 2001

The workmen were scheduled to arrive at 8:00 a.m. I awoke at 7:30, gulped down my tea, jumped into my workout clothes, popped in the exercise tape, and started to move. I had to finish before they arrived. No one, except my husband, could see me exercise – and live.

The Worrying Torch Passes

Published in the Los Angeles Times on July 10, 2000

On my father’s eightieth birthday I will drive to Arizona with a sheet cake in the trunk big enough to feed 80 people. I can’t help but draw a comparison with the times my mom sent me off to school on my birthday with a treat for all the children in my class. It seems the circle is complete.

If Mom Let Me Swear, Something Was Terribly Wrong

Published in the Los Angeles Daily News on August 15, 1999

I called the hospital and was put through to the intensive care waiting room. My dad picked up. I knew immediately something was terribly wrong. He told me my mom had a heart attack during the surgery. He didn’t know where she was. No one was telling him anything. What was going on?

Boomers Should Accept Caregiver Role for Parents

Published in the Los Angeles Daily News on July 19, 1998

A fellow baby boomer told me that our generation will be the first to care for our aging parents longer than our parents spent caring for us. It is a frightening thought for most boomers, who are now in middle age. I wonder if we are up to it.

Growing Old Is Hard to Do